The night before Karl and I got married, he gave me a necklace with 2 hearts that are connected. I love it, and have worn it almost every day since then. When Kaleb was born and the time came for his life-saving Cath procedure, it was impossible to watch him be wheeled away from us-so tiny and alone. The kind nurses of Children's let me tape the necklace to Kaleb's bed, so we felt that part of us was always with him. It's become a ritual for every procedure he's had since then. The first Christmas after he was born, Karl gave me a pendant with Kaleb's birthstone...Peridot-green like a frog(could it be any more perfect?!)... to add to the necklace. This past Christmas, Karl's parents gave me the K...for my 2 boys....and then the necklace felt finished.
Back in March, when Kaleb's participation in the Baylor feeding program was "suspended", I was terribly disappointed. I really believed that the program was at least the beginning of Kaleb beginning to eat and enjoy food. I'll admit I started to worry that it might never happen, and I was just overwhelmed with sadness about it.
The same week he was dismissed from the feeding program, we left for the Round Top Antique show. We had planned the trip 6 months before, but now my heart wasn't completely in it. I did manage to dig up some enthusiasm for my pilgrimage to the Junk Gypsy tent, though. Anyone who knows me well, knows I am a HUGE fan of the Junk Gypsies. I was wearing their stuff long before they left College Station, and I'll probably still be wearing it under my flannel muumuus 30 years from now. But I digress...
In the JG tent, I had just picked out a "My one and only rebel child" onesie for Kaleb, when this necklace caught my eye. As soon as I read it, I knew it was made for me. Suddenly, I felt this amazing combination of hope for the future and shame for even temporarily doubting my son's potential. From the beginning, he's been defying very long odds, and learning to eat will be no different. A year ago, I prayed he would be doing half as well as he is now. He just needs time, but my expectations for him(not of him) are always getting higher. As his mom, I'm not only there to cheer when he reaches each precious milestone; I'm also there to (lovingly) push him to the next one. Sometimes, I just need to remind myself to be patient...something I'm not likely to be better about any time soon. But oh, how I love my sweet, smart, adorable, hilarious, precious, loving, incredible son.
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